Doyle Baxter
I was in a dark place. I wasn't practicing the faith. Exodus 90 was the beginning of my road to recovery.
I was already at rock bottom when my childhood friend Joe took his own life. I hadn't talked to him in years, but I understood at the level of the heart the pain he must've experienced. From the heights of faith, I had fallen into a life of drug addiction, alcohol abuse, impropriety, and despair. And I was in pain.
I was walking around the old city of Prague that day, noting darkly the heights from which I could throw myself to end the pain. It was Palm Sunday.
At least a dozen times had I walked by that statue of the Virgin Mary holding the body of her dead son on the Charles Bridge. But that day I stopped to look and read the Latin inscription: O vos omnes qui transitis per viam: attendite et videte si est dolor sicut dolor meus.
"All of you walking along the road: wait and see if there is pain like mine." I understood pain that day but was told to wait and see.
A few days later I was in Paris, at the Louvre, and there she was again in a painting, holding the body of her broken son: "wait and see if there is pain like mine."
That Good Friday, I wandered back into a church for the first time. In the dark by candlelight the choir sang: O vos omnes, qui transitis per viam: attendite et videte si est dolor sicut dolor meus.
I waited and I saw. That winter, I took up the Exodus 90 Challenge for the first time. "It'll change your life," my brother Jamie told me. And he knew just how much my life needed a change. Each January, I return to it to grow in freedom, to share the fruits of my own experience, and become the man God created me to be.
By the grace of God, I'm here today: alive and sober. And when my brother Jamie asked me to join the Exodus 90 team, I knew it was an appointment from on high. I know firsthand the power of Exodus 90. And I know firsthand the power of the darkness it can overcome
There are so many men around the world who think they are lost, and to them I say, you are not lost, because you have been found.
Reflect
Where in my life have I accepted bondage as “normal” rather than believing God desires my freedom?
What habits or sins have quietly pulled me away from prayer, the sacraments, or authentic friendship?
When I experience suffering or grief, do I turn toward God—or seek escape through comfort, distraction, or control?
Who has God used as a faithful friend in my life to call me back when I was drifting?
Where am I being invited to stop, look at the Cross, and remain with Christ instead of rushing past my pain?
Pray
Lord Jesus,
You entered into our darkness and did not turn away. When our pain felt unbearable, You chose the Cross. When we were lost, You came looking for us. Give us the grace not to run from suffering, but to unite it to Yours.
Form us through discipline, prayer, and fraternity. Teach us to wait and to see— to trust that obedience leads to freedom and that the Cross always leads to Resurrection.
For those we have lost, receive them into Your mercy. For those who feel lost today, let them know they are found. Make us people who walk with others through the valley, bearing hope not with words alone, but with lives transformed by grace.
Amen.
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