Br. Bernardo Ross LC

October 23, 2011, I looked her in the eyes and said, “Cristina, I don’t believe that God exists…but if He does then my life is proof that He isn’t a good God”.

I was a freshman in college and after years of seeking joy and fulfillment in the “gospel of the World’ I was worn out. I thought that maybe experiencing these things in a college setting would finally be the answer my heart longed for, but to my disillusionment this obviously turned out to be wrong. 

I grew up in a catholic household with very devout, loving parents and four amazing brothers. I think I had a pretty normal American upbringing: sports year round, summer afternoons in the streets with the neighbor, and most importantly top 10 in the school spelling bee in 4th grade. It seemed like there was always something to play, some team to beat, or homework to turn in.

High school was a rough time for me, more than anything else because of the intense desire I had to fit in with those whom I considered popular. It got to the point where I would do anything to fit in and feel good. I began to compromise my moral life for the immediate satisfaction which the world and its pleasures promised me… not realizing I was slowly distancing myself from the only One who could truly fill that emptiness.

Freshman year of college I found myself at Texas A&M, unaware that I was across the street from the largest and strongest catholic student center in the US, St. Mary’s! The weekends started to fly by and the long nights began to include run-ins with the police, hospital trips and a sinking feeling that there had to be more to life than this. As rough as it was, this turned out to be God’s way of getting my attention. 

Everything changed when I met a girl whose peace and joy seemed to indicate that she had found what I was searching for all those years. I asked if we could talk, and long story short I experienced the love of Christ in a real, tangible authentic way through that friendship. October 23 marked the day I gave God a real shot again, and He did not disappoint. As I got to know Him more, I also began to perceive the gift He had for me, and this was the vocation. It took me 3 more years to finally take that paralyzing leap into seminary, but it is one I would do over again a million times. Only HE can truly fill our hearts. But it has to start with our Yes.