Aneelia Ma
My relationship with God has been a whirlwind of a ride.
I grew up in a multicultural household. My dad is of Panamanian descent and my mother is a Chinese-Cambodian immigrant. My dad was raised Catholic and my mother was raised Buddhist.
This blended household created a bit of confusion for me growing up. My mom was culturally Buddhist, and my dad was culturally Catholic -- together, they were essentially an Agnostic couple. We didn’t talk about religion growing up. My Dad told me, "There’s a higher power" and my Mom taught me what cultural Buddhism was.
When I decided to start my personal faith journey, I decided to choose the familiar -- Buddhism. In high school, I claimed the religion but never truly did my research. I would go to the temples, pray to Buddha, and participate in rituals -- but I never really knew what I was doing. When approached by the Christians in school, I would denounce the Lord. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with Christian culture or Jesus Himself. I was a self-proclaimed Christian hater. As my time at school went on, I “left” Buddhism and became an Atheist.
When I got to college, I really started diving back into this Buddhist identity. I read the Buddhist scriptures and delved into the ritualistic nature of the religion. But, something always felt off. As I continued to learn, I eventually recognized that I just couldn’t agree with the concept of no God. I blamed it solely on science because that was the only “logical” explanation.
With this newfound confusion, I was desperate for Jesus but didn’t want to admit it. So, I reached for something new and something definitely not Christian -- New-Age Spiritualism. In this period of my life; I was practicing Wicca, leaning into the Occult, learning to become a Yogi, and looking into practices like Astral Projection. As I continued exploring, I found myself haunted by darkness and slipping into places I never thought possible. After some intense negative experiences, I slowly started to step away.
In 2021, I became friends with my first faithful Catholic. After knowing each other for a bit, I noticed there was something so different about this person -- he carried a joy that I couldn’t comprehend. He explained that his joy came from Christ, and I was intrigued. Knowing that he went to Mass every Sunday, I asked if I could join.
This is what I call my first yes to Jesus. He placed that desire in my heart and gave me the courage to pursue it. This was March 28th, 2021 -- Palm Sunday. I remember being so confused but so welcome. I felt at home. I remember the Marian statues, the incense, the palm leaves, and the overwhelming sense of peace.
After that, I was on fire -- filled with zeal and curiosity. I was attending adoration, reading as much as I could, figuring out how to pray, attending daily Mass, and writing down every question I could think of. Around a month or so later, I met with my (now) favorite priest to discuss my concerns and dispose of my demonic items. Father Reid was and still is such a gift to me.
The urge to know Jesus was something I had never experienced before. It was overwhelming, all consuming, and full of glory. I wanted to love Him, no matter what it took.
I joined RCIA that year. I was participating in the sacraments as much as I could during that time, continuing to fall in love with my Creator. I was baptized, confirmed, and received Jesus on April 16th, 2022.
I have never made a "yes" with as much confidence as my "yes" to Jesus. I don't ever think of leaving Him, because I know what life looks like without Him. I know what suffering and pain look like without peace. I know what it's like to refuse the truth. My heart is forever His and every day, I choose to say yes to Him again.